omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
