Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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