I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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