You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
