PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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