So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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