True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
