I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
