If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
