So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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