I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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