I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
