Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
