is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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