best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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