good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
