I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
