im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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