By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
