At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
