I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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