I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
