he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
