Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
