I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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