from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
