**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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