I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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