Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
