I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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