i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
