I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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