You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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