I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
