Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
