Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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