I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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