I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
