OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
