maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Boobs are out for the taking
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
