She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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