Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Your cock deserves a montage
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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