I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
