I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
