quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
