I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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