Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
