If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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