there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
