Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
