they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
