she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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