so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
