Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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