ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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