so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
