I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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