When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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