it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Text me some of your sweat
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
