my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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