Even water is tasting like jack daniels
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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