I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
