gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Drunk is not a location!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
