I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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