He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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