she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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