Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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