Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
