She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
