im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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