i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
