I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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