woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
